The Italian Yogi

Every night at namaste yoga farm, our home for the past week, and also the coming week, there is the sound of a vibrant lively drum circle, chanting, dancing, in the distance. Not so far away, and enviously I listen, wishing to be part of the action, sharing smiles, music, movent....... Our essence. As I write this, I hear them moving from ecstatic, repetitive, primal beats to an enchanting gentle stream like flow of the lute, lulling us all into a pool of stillness, before it picks up again, ready for another steady intense musical climax. I sit here with envy. I want to move, I want to engage, but something feels unable, a bit empty, perhaps vulnerable.

The past week has been an absolute roller coaster, and I struggle to know what to write. How to sum it up, but tonight feels like the night to write. So I'll start with stefano the yoga teacher. An Italian man, handsome physically, anatomically gifted, an impressive yoga practioner. His teaching style........... Well, after watching him pat my friends bum after he corrected her, and listening to him shout "rotate the thigh bone" what felt like 20 times, at a poor Chinese bloke who had no idea what he meant, I felt like sticking my middle finger up at him........ I refrained, and actually went back to his class this morning and was pleasantly surprised. I'm going back again tomorrow, which makes me wonder, how much of my experience in that first class was actually the reality of the situation? And how often do I do this? Write someone off as my ego boldly decides who they are for the worst? 

Working with circus artists is a whole different ball game than working with dancers. Add heat, living in eachothers pockets, and being in India to that, and emotions can run high. There have been tears, a heart to heart, strong indian beer, and LOTS of chocolate! I now feel I'm the other side of something, have met acceptance of who I am with, what is going to happen over the next 4 months, and realising that I am actually wanted on the team. 

I am thinking about "artistry" versus "tricking". The circus world is a lot about tricks and props, both of which, if I am honest, I have some contemporary dance snobbery about. I have been reminding myself this week that both are equally valuable, but actually, I really don't feel that way. For me tricking and mastering skills around an object feels empty. "Where's the red thread?" (A charismatic, small, American choreography teacher at The Place, would so often squawk at us when we presented our works in progress) . I need more substance, I need more heart.......... And it occurred to me, maybe what I am doing here, is exactly what I have been doing with stefano, the fiery Italian yoga teacher. Turning things into black and white, good and bad. Polarising in order to keep myself in an imaginarium  of safety. There is the possibility of having both, artistry and skill, and  in fact that would be far more useful. This, in fact, is why I wanted to come with the circus. How easy it is to lose sight of intention.

So I am at the end of my first day off, I am glowing a shade of brown/red. I have bought a beaded necklace from Shiva, a small Indian man who slowly walks the beaches earning a living, along with many other young girls and boys, who often stop and play with the circus toys, such beaming smiles, and cheeky business heads on top of their infant shoulders. I sat alone reading, drinking chai, swimming, and getting a bit too tanned. I have also found out that the Indian men call the hippies "calamari" because their dreads look like squids on top of their heads :-D 

I have been observing the hippies. We're not short of them, here at Kudle beach, Gokarna. Some exude a calm serenity, some an obvious self consciousness, some, I'm sure, pass me by unnoticed. The other evening I couldn't help but overhear the slightly annoying monotone Australian commentary of white middle class travel stories, ending with a brief toke on a joint and the words "nah, I never volunteer, I'm too lazy" at which point my ego inflated and I patted myself on the back. It makes me realise that I am currently very sheltered from India and all that comes with it. We need this space while we create the show, climatise and get to grips with our new family for the next four months. Here, it is clean, quiet, and most things make sense. We have another week to go before we head off for the 48 hour train journey to Kalkutta via Mumbai, and I am thinking about friendship. My friends at home, and also the friends I am going to make here. "The essence of friendship is time spent together" maitreyebhandu says in his book, thicker than blood, he also says, "The practice of friendship consists of the mutual willingness to keep repairing and maintaining it". I have already experienced my first repair and bandage this week, and we have another four months together. So, friendship, I'm certain will blossom.